Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
