Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
