I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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