I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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