Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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