I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
