sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
