i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
