I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
