Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Someone shattered a urinal.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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