paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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