five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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