Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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