it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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