Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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