I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
