If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
