I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no, he came in my armpit
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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