I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
