If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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