I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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