Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
