a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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