I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
