he thought i was a dude.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
