She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
