really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize