he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
