My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
