I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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