is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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