Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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