he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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