You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
