oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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