i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
