i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
