Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
