Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
