i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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