Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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