The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
