Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
