I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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