The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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