I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
