question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
