it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
