Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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