the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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