I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
babies were throwing up all over the place
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
