sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
