I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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