Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Send help, water and tortillas.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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