I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well I just put wine in my tea
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
