I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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