apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
