I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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