Just cropdusted the office
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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