My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
