I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
