we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
