Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
