In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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