Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
