I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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