Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
