okay pat passed out under dana's car
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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