I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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