see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize