Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
