i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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